Headstones are more than just a part of death. They are a part of human culture itself. For as long as mankind has organized itself into societies, he has shown a psychological need to remember and honor the dead by marking the spot in which a deceased body is buried with a stone of some sort (at the very least). This may not be a physical need, of course, and there does not seem to be any formal religious or spiritual need for it. (The Bible, scholars note, makes no mention of a requirement that a deceased be buried in a spot that is marked in any particular fashion. And this is but one religious text that makes no formal reference to headstones.) But it remains a need just the same, and installing a headstone has, though, the centuries, become a memorial rite that, in modern times, is not to be denied even the poorest, or most hated, of people. All of that makes this article an important discussion about a significant, if largely unheralded, element of human history on Earth.
Evolution of Headstones
Headstones, as we say, have been a human tradition for as long as history has been recorded and probably even before. Archaeologists tell us that even graves that time has covered with hundreds of feet of dirt have been discovered marked by headstones. The first intriguing fact about headstones is that they have not always been, in fact, stones. But, at the same time, their evolution is not marked by a gradual change from other materials into longer lasting (dare we say, eternal?) stones. No, headstones began their history as, indeed, stones, but then later evolved into markers made from other materials such as clay and even wood, and, only in relatively recent years – we mean in the last 150 years or so – have headstones returned to the tradition of being made almost exclusively from some sort of long-lasting stone.
In the earliest days, headstones did not usually include any written method of communicating the identity of the deceased. Rather, identify was marked by the various sizes, shapes and even colors of the headstone. This tradition continued even long into the days in which writing had been developed and primitive technology had developed to the point in which engraving on stone was practical and common. Curiously, it took a significant amount of time, historians tell us, for engraving to become common place on headstones, but, once that tradition took root, it blossomed into something the world has never replaced.
While the tradition of engraving has not been replaced, however, the materials have changed over the years. Headstones have evolved from stone to wood and even cement – presumably because lasting for centuries was not a goal of many headstone makers in the 16th to the early 20th centuries – back to stone again. While today’s stone grave markers are polished and carefully manufactured to achieve a shiny, professional look for the ages, the original stone markers were much more natural, often not altered even the slightest from their natural look.
Purpose of Headstones
Headstones have long served many purposes, all of which seem to have remained consistent throughout history. The main purpose, of course, is memorialization. It is important for the living to have a place in which they can return to spend a few moments specifically reflecting upon the life of a deceased. This is important, psychologists tell us, from a selfish perspective. Recalling the life of a deceased family or friend – with the help of a headstone – gives us a sense that we will likewise be honored and respected – and remembered – beyond our own death.
But headstones also have a historical purpose. They help generations connect with one another beyond the grave and can help family legacies live on across the centuries, simply by telling the story of a family through the simple words and numbers engraved upon a marker.
A careful reader will note, however, that this historical purpose was secondary to the original intention of headstones, which, coming in a time before writing, and certainly engraving, was common, was purely memorial. The first headstones served mostly a psychological purpose, helping mourners of early history to come to terms with their loss and, as we say, the loss of their own lives.
What is Engraved on Headstones
To our knowledge a detailed study of what information has been included on headstones has never been conducted, but such an investigation would likely reveal that headstones have, since they began to be engraved with written language, have routinely included the following: the name of the deceased, his or her birthday, the day of death, a special saying or two (often from the Bible or some other religious text), and, in some cases, a list of other family members and a brief note regarding their relation. In recent years, engraved pictures of the deceased have also come to be a standard feature of many headstones.
How this particular set of features came to be the norm is still very unclear (so, perhaps, a scholarly study would be useful, as we suggest above), but it is interesting to wonder how the dates of birth and death came to be thought of as the core piece of information that a headstone should convey.
How Long Do Headstones Last
The length of time that a headstone lasts, of course, is directly related to the material from which it is made. In general, wooden and cement headstones can be expected to last the shortest amount of time – absent much maintenance care, of course – and bronze and granite headstones can be expected to last the longest. It is for this reason, aside from price considerations too, that bronze and granite are the most common materials for building headstones. In fact, in today’s memorial world, many (if not most) flat headstones consist of a bronze plaque attached to a granite base. These can be expected to last for hundreds of years, experts say, and that is a comforting thought when one considers that a key feature of the bronze plaque is that it allows for a full-color picture to be engraved upon the headstone.
Concrete and wood headstones will both last, in general, 40-50 years or so before decay make them illegible or worse. And, for many family’s purposes, that is sufficient. But, with the price of bronze and granite headstones falling according to their popularity increases, these pieces are now as inexpensive as concrete and wooden models. For guidance on preserving their appearance and extending their lifespan, see How Do You Clean Headstones In The Cemetery?. So that makes these models the overwhelming choice among those who are shopping for a good price and those whose main concern is that the headstone last a long time.
When are Headstones Installed
The question of when a headstone is typically installed is difficult to answer simply. In fact, there can be generally be at least three valid answers to the question.
First, headstones are very commonly installed before a person has died. In today’s world of high pressure salesmanship by funeral home and cemetery staff members, a growing number of people are buying their grave plots relatively early in their life and, accordingly, they will also often buy a headstone to go over it. These plots can be quickly identified in a cemetery because they usually don’t have a death date listed. (Care should be taken before assuming that a grave marked by a headstone with no date is empty. It is often the case that markers are not updated with death dates until months after a burial.)
Second, headstones are installed within a few months of a burial. In many cases, a cemetery can put in an inexpensively manufactured temporary headstone just a few days (or maybe even a few hours) after a burial to mark a spot where a much more elaborate marker will be eventually. In these cases (and even in cases in which nothing is installed temporarily) the permanent headstone will be reading for installation in 4-8 weeks after being ordered by the family of the deceased. It is quite common for families to organize a (usually very simple and informal) breaking in ceremony for the new marker. These ceremonies typically coincide with some special date or anniversary that was important to the deceased.
And finally, many headstones are installed a great many months (sometimes years) after a person’s death. In some cases, spouses have declined for decades to produce a headstone for their deceased partner next to whom they intend to be buried. Instead, these people leave instructions for family and friends to install a companion grave marker over both burial sites after the second spouse is also deceased. This approach occurs, often, because the surviving spouse feels very uncomfortable with the idea of having his or her name (or even a space reserved for his or her name) on a headstone while he or she is still living. Whatever the case, it is quite common, and perfectly acceptable in most cases, for a grave site to be left unmarked by a headstone for many months or years after a death. This is entirely at the discretion of the family charged with buying the headstone along with any instructions the deceased may have left.