Writing is hard. In fact, a somewhat famous writing teacher is fond of saying this about the craft he teachers: “Writing doesn’t come easy for anyone, and if someone tells you differently, he or she is either lying or not a good writer. And, when it comes to writing the things that will be engraved on a headstone of a family or friend, the job becomes harder by multiples of hundreds. The stress of getting just the right words for an epitaph can be overwhelming. That’s why internet searches for ideas along those lines yield a great number of sites for which one can peruse. It is for this reason that families often plan and attend Graveside Services at a Cemetery, where they may reflect on the epitaph and memorial tribute.
Scripture
Biblical scripture always makes for good epitaph material. One of the practical reasons for this is simply copyright. Some families who want to install a headstone in a cemetery are surprised to learn that their original ideas are rejected by cemetery staff, or by the headstone manufacturers themselves, on grounds that they violate copyright laws. To avoid this problem, legal experts suggest that headstones incorporate only quotations that are not subject to copyright claims from someone who has not given formal permission that they be used on a headstone. The best way to do this when using Biblical scripture is to make sure your quotations come directly from some translation of the Bible that is more than 75 years old. For most practical purposes, the King James Version of the Bible is suitable. Be careful, experts warn, about borrowing a biblical quotation directly from the internet or some other informal source. If the wording differs from the King James Version or some other old enough version, the publishers of the original translation could have a copy right claim if they chose to enforce it, even decades after the headstone has been installed.
The Bible is filled with hundreds, or maybe even thousands, of quotations that would be suitable for engraving on a headstone. We have assembled just a very small number of the possibilities that have been chosen by a large number of others over the years. The most appropriate quotations tend to focus on things like love, eternal life, and the overall goodness of God. Here are a few that you or your family may be feel comfortable having engraved on a headstone
The theme of love:
“in all things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” (Romans 8:37)
“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13)
“Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.” (1 John 4:7)
The theme of eternal life:
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
“O death, where is they sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” (1 Corinthians 15:55)
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwelll in the house of the Lord forever.” (Psalm 23:6)
Overall Goodness of God
“And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? There is none good but one, that is God.” (Mark 10: 18)
“Thou gav est also thy good spirit to instruct them, and witheldest not thy manna from their mouth, and gavest them water for their thirst.” (Nehemiah 9: 20)
“For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused if it be received with thanksgiving:” (1 Timothy 4:4)
Famous Quotations
Many families have the idea to engrave famous quotations as epitaphs on headstones of their loved ones. Because of copyright issues mentioned in the above section about Bible verses this is not usually a recommended option. There are cases in which quotes more than 75 years old can be used legally without concern for copy right claims, but those cases also require that the very work in which the quote appears be at least 75 years old, too. Most famous quotations these days appear in works of non-fictions written by someone other than the person to whom the quotation is attributed and that author is the person who must be consulted to secure copy right permission to use the quote on a grave marker.
So, the best thing to do in this case is to simply choose another method for deciding what to engrave upon a headstone. Unless a quotation is directly attributable to the deceased, it is probably important to avoid using it on a grave marker.
Funny Epitaphs
Funny epitaphs have been engraved on headstones for centuries, though, in this day of heightened sensitivities toward the grieving, they are perhaps more rare than they once were. Funny epitaphs often poke fun at what observers believe may have been the deceased’s annoying traits. And, since this flies in the face of what modern mental health experts say is a healthy way to deal with grief, many families and friends are often reluctant to install a headstone with a funny epitaph.
“You know, I really hated my husband when he was alive. I hated him with a passion, and I thought his funeral would be a happy occasion for me,” one woman was overheard saying during the viewing ceremony for her spouse. “I’m surprised to discover that it has been a happy occasion, in fact. But not for the reasons I thought it would be.
“No, I feel happy because we’ve been doing so much reminiscing about the good stuff about his life. I can’t even really remember right now why it was that I hated him so much.”
For this woman, the idea of a funny, maybe even insultingly funny, headstone epitaph would have once sounded appealing, but, just in time for the funeral, it was clear she might no longer be open that idea. This is but one example of why funny headstones should be included on a headstone with caution. In fact, about the only instance in which they would be appropriate in today’s world would be if there was no doubt that the deceased himself would enjoy the humor of what was engraved. Those who practiced self-deprecating humor in life are good candidates for a funny headstone. But, for all others, the memorial tradition should be adopted only with much caution.
All that said, here are a few relatively famous examples of funny headstones that can be seen in multiple places upon simply entering the phrase “humorous headstones” in a search engine. Please note that, for copy right reasons, we do not recommend anyone copy these phrases verbatim on their own headstone. Rather, they can serve as an idea of the type of funny headstone that could be done in most cases.
Legend has this silly epitaph can be found on a headstone in London, England dated 1767: “Here lies Ann Mann who lived an Old Maid but died an old Mann.”
More than one grave marker in the United States is reported to include this funny epitaph: “I Told You I was Sick.”
And, finally, an Irish grave marker dated 1861 is said to include this: “Here lies my wife; here lies she. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”
How Long Can a Headstone Engraving Be
Keeping a headstone epitaph short may not be as difficult for modern people as it once may have been in the more verbose days of yesteryear. The advent of Twitter, with its limit of just 144 characters for every post, has helped modern writers learn to keep their thoughts short and to the point, making social media the perfect training ground for epitaph writers. But, in general, condensed writing is thought by experts to be much more difficult than verbosity. (The old joke among newspaper writers is that a reporter handed in a 20 page manuscript to his editor one day with an apology, “Sorry, sir. If you’d have given me an extra two days, I’d have been able to make it shorter.”) Writing epitaphs that perfectly sum up the life of a beloved relative may no longer be the challenge that it once was for men and women of previous decades who commonly sat for hours to hear debates of 8 hours or more or well-crafted speeches that went on for 4 to 5 hours at a time.
In general, an epitaph usually should not be longer than about 25 words. Though there are cases in which longer headstone engravings – of up to 200-300 words – have been done, the issue is not necessarily limited to just the amount of space available on a marker. In many cases, even up to 500 words can actually fit onto a headstone, but there are two other practical matters that make this a unwise choice. First is the cost of engraving. These days, headstone engraving is an expensive craft, often requiring thousands of dollars’ worth of equipment just to set up in business. It is not uncommon for artisans in this profession to command prices in the range of $5 per word for their trouble. At such a rate, it is easy to see why a 500 word piece of verbosity would be whittled down by a family to, say, 20 words or so, even if there was sufficient space on a stone to make sure the entire piece could be as legible as can be.
And that brings up the second issue that makes keeping headstone engraving short a wise thing to do: legibility. In most cases, a headstone is sufficiently large enough to support a “font” (some engraving artisans are insulted that such a word has finally found its way into their craft) of about 12-18 points if an epitaph is limited to about 30 words or less. Anything more than that, means the font must be made smaller. More than one engraver has estimated that a 500 word epitaph, even if carved onto both sides of a typical sized marker, would require a font in the range of 4-6 six points. That would almost certainly be illegible except to the graveyard visitor who happened to bring along a magnifying glass. Twelve to 18 points for an epitaph may actually seem too small for some people, at first glance anyway. But, in the end, those who design headstones as a profession will say that, except in the rarest of instances, an epitaph of less than 30 words will usually work very well on a loved one’s grave site.
Standard features of a headstone
A headstone usually contains the following standard features that are almost always engraved into the headstone alongside the epitaph that we have devoted the bulk of this article. For a detailed comparison of headstones and grave markers, see Headstone vs Grave Marker: Key Differences Explained. Now it is worth taking a few sentences to look at what else must almost always be included on a headstone engraving in order to make the piece as meaningful and as important as possible.
The first thing to consider is the dates of death and dates of birth. These dates can be very vague, as in just including the year. Or they can be as specific as to announce the exact month and day. It is even sometimes done that exact hours and minutes are also included in this date summary. But the rule of thumb is to be only as specific as a writer can be for both sets of dates. For example, if one knows only the year of birth, but knows the date and time of death down to the second, it is generally considered in good taste – from a design perspective anyway – to only include the year of birth and date on the grave marker.
Other standard elements of a headstone engraving are the name of course. In most cases, the headstone engraver will include only the deceased’s legal name, with any nick names included in parenthesis or quotations marks. Near the name and dates are also sometimes included the logos of any civic, fraternal, or religious organizations that were a big part of the deceased’s life. It should be noted that this is generally considered necessary only when the organization was a significant part of the life.